Leap of Faith
Whoa buddy has this been a crazy semester! If you know me at all, you’ll know how little free time I’ve had since about August. Needless to say nursing school pretty much consumed my entire life for the past few months. At times it seemed completely hopeless and I thought that I was the last person who was capable of becoming a nurse. My Savior, however, always stepped in to remind me that He has called me to where I am for a reason and did not bring me there just to let me fall. I’ve always had a hard time trusting someone when they promised me something, especially when I knew I would probably have to take matters into my own hands in the end. This…….stubbornness of mine usually didn’t work in my favor and I ended up feeling stressed and way too overwhelmed for my own good. This stress had even gotten to a point where it was taking a toll on my health. On top of school, I also lost my Nana and Aunt within about a month of each other, and dealt with the loss and grief I felt by burying myself in my schoolwork. The odd thing is, no matter how stressed or sick I became, I still never asked for help, that just isn’t who I am. I know what you’re thinking: well, don’t you think if you asked for help, you’d be LESS stressed? You would think so, but at the time, I didn’t want to admit that. I was letting my pride get in the way of what I knew I was capable of doing. I knew that if I would have just let go and let God have a hand in what I was trying to do, I wouldn’t be as overwhelmed. Sure, I’d still have the same amount of work, but I wouldn’t have let it get to me. That lack of trust that I’ve had in other people had seeped into my relationship with Christ and ultimately, made me completely lose the confidence I had in myself. I had lost the vivacity that the Lord had given me for everything I came up against. I was so tired and burnt out more often than not. I questioned every single action I made while in my clinical and every single answer I put on my tests. I would second guess myself and end up changing my answers, only to find out in test review that the answers I had the first time were the right ones. By questioning my actions and what I should be doing, I was questioning the calling God had placed on my life, something I knew (deep down anyway) was 100% of Him. I was letting my fear and my lack of trust in myself potentially ruin something amazing that God had planned. Why do we do this to ourselves? Why do we take something that the Lord gives us and twist and morph it and fill it with fear and worry until it’s something that no one wants to touch? That’s what I had let my calling become, something that no one, not even me, wanted to deal with. I was letting a bunch of numbers on a piece of paper determine what I thought of myself. I thought that I had misread what I had been called to and that my failure was a sign of needing to reevaluate my path. After one especially stressful day, I reached my breaking point and just broke down and cried out to my Lord. I was tired of feeling alone in everything I was doing and I was tired of feeling inadequate. I didn’t want to be mediocre with what God had called me to. As I sat on my dorm room floor and sobbed, crying out, I felt what seemed like someone placing a blanket around my shoulders and hugging me tight, followed by the most immense amount of peace I’ve ever felt. Then I heard a small voice whisper gently to me: “I am here.” Those three simple words reminded me of something very important: If God leads you to something, there is no possible way that He would just abandon you halfway through. I stood up with a renewed spirit, knowing that I HAD to trust in Christ and myself if I wanted this to work. God placed some people in my life this semester (you all know who you are) because He knew this would happen. He knew I needed some tough love from people who weren’t afraid to be real with me, and I can’t think them or God enough for the conversations we’ve had. I have grown so much in my relationship with Christ just from what I’ve had to face this semester. I have a new found confidence that my Lord and Savior has given me, knowing that I’m exactly where He wants me to be. Bottom line, don’t let fear rule your life. Take those chances that you’re absolutely terrified to take; Go the extra mile and live your life to the fullest. Take that leap of faith and know that God will always catch you =)
“You should clothe yourselves instead with the beauty that comes within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God”-1 Peter 3:4
Wow……this verse is totally and completely blowing my mind at the moment. I had found this quote on a website called Pinterest, but didn’t fully read it until now. This seriously sums up what I’m reaching for right now and it’s crazy to think that I just happened to click on this verse, but then again nothing that God does is ever random and I fully believe that this was a “God thing.” I’ve made a few changes to my patterns of thinking recently and let me just say that it’s been a hard adjustment, but when I see quotes like this and remember that my Father wants peace for my life, it keeps me in awe and reminds that I am a child of God who is worth waiting for. I encourage all my lovely ladies out there to never sell yourself short and to always remember that YOU are worth something more valuable than you could ever imagine, and that worth is found through Christ. He loves you more than you could ever know, and if you give your heart, emotions, and relationships over to him, He’ll give back more than any of us could fathom. Let Him be the love of your life. Be the woman that God is calling you to be and the rest will fall into place. God Bless!
As the first day of my junior year draws to a close, it blows my mind to think about how much has gone on in the last 24 hours (not even counting this past weekend). First off, I officially started nursing school and had two out of my four classes from 8 until 2:30 (yes, I spent six and a half hours in only two classes). Let me just say that nursing school is not at all what I thought it was gonna be……..it’s even better! Although I had some pretty big roadblocks put in my path throughout the day, I still kept a smile on my face and mentally repeated my favorite verse: Philippians 4:6-Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, present your requests to God. Hardly anything that we as Christians face in life is ever easy, in fact sometimes, in can seem like our world is coming to an end. The thing I always have to remind myself of is this: God would never give us something or allow something to take place that He had not already planned on giving us a way out of. Most of the time, He’s already provided the resources that we need, but we often are too blind to see them. He puts something or someone right in front of us saying, “Here it is! Just trust that I’m giving it to you and take it!” We are often too caught up in our own lives and schedules to see that if we would just stop running a million miles an hour and look off to the side, God has a path that is so much more peaceful and better than we would ever imagine! I’ll be honest and say that for about a year now, I’ve been fighting God over something that I wanted so much to be mine, and I mean fighting tooth and nail, kicking and screaming the whole way. In the past, I’ve been the type of person that when I decide I want something, I fight for it, even if I ended up getting a few broken bones and bruises along the way, and in some ways I’m still like that. However, even though the title of this blog is called “Climbing the Wall”, I wonder if this is just one wall I need to walk away from……..I’m trusting God to lead me in the right direction and would appreciate prayer with this. Love you guys! God Bless!
“A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.”
I know that this verse may sound a bit strange at first glance. Is the Bible telling to not have a lot of friends? Though it may seem so, as I began to think more about it, it goes so much deeper than that. Now, I love my friends so much and I would just about anything for them, but I think that so many people rely on relationships with other people instead of one with their Heavenly Father. They like to take “the easy way out” and have relationships with fickle people who they can actually see instead of one with Someone who, even though they might not be able to physically see, will never ever let them down. Why would you want to depend on someone who will, eventually, make a mistake or let you down? Turn to your Savior for companionship! Be in a relationship with the Author of Love! Trust me, He will NEVER disappoint =)
What to do
Well guys, that time of the year is almost here……….yep, it’s time for school! New shoes and fresh pieces of paper also come with thoughts of reuniting with long lost friends and of what the new year will bring. I’m incredibly excited to see my friends after almost 3 months! (Although sometimes it seemed so much longer) At the same time, however, I find myself mentally wandering into a place of worry and anxiousness. I’m starting my nursing clinical this semester and it’s beginning to hit me that this is it: I’m going to be learning skills that I will use for pretty much the rest of my life, and while I love what I do and can not wait to get started, I’m also nervous. What if I screw up? What if I’m not good at taking someone’s blood pressure or giving shots? During this wandering, I also find myself thinking of people I know and how things might change with them. Will this person come back? Are me and that person going to become better friends? What is going to happen with them? And believe me, those kind of thoughts can make you crazy. Certain things have been on my mind more than others and I’ve had to take a step back and take a deep breath more than once, and of course remember that there is Someone over me who has this whole things under control. As hard as it is for me to not wanna control a situation, I know that God has plans that are infinitely better than I could ever imagine. It’s been a long process for me, one I’m still working on. I know that God has some amazing things in store for me this year and I just hope I know what to do when they happen……
—“Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. -Colossians 3:12-15
This section of verses that I chose is somewhat longer than I normally use, but as you can see, there are a couple of important parts that stood out to me. I had been wanting to do a post about what I am about to talk about but wasn’t sure how to go about starting it. As I was doing my Bible study this morning, I felt drawn to this group of verses and as I read it, it was obvious that this was the answer to my predicament. This summer has been one of huge spiritual growth for me, and the biggest part of that growth has to do with the first boldface verse: forgiveness. For those of you who know me well enough, you know that I have been deeply hurt by two different people in my life. I won’t name names, but I feel the need to share this particular part of my summer because it’s a very important part of my testimony. Since I’ve been on summer break, I have been contacted by both of those people in an attempt on their part to apologize and ask for my forgiveness. The funny thing is, I thought that I had already forgiven those people, but as I listened to them scrambling for words and trying to make excuses for themselves, I realized that I was still angry at not one, but both of them. I didn’t realize how hurt I still was until those moments. I had let go of the people, but I didn’t let go of the grudge I was holding against them. I’m not an angry person and it takes a lot to get me riled up, but as I sat there on both occasions, listening to them, I was overwhelmed with anger. Who did they think they were trying to talk to me after what they did? Did they honestly think that just giving me a flimsy apology would make everything go away? After the fact (when I was done crying, that is) I actually sat down and thought about what had happened. I believe that everything happens for a reason, and I’m pretty sure that those two instances are probably my greatest example. At first I thought it was ironic that both people contacted me with apologies within weeks of each other….very ironic. In fact, the more I thought about, it was a little TOO ironic. Then all of a sudden, it hit me: God had had a hand in this the whole time. What other explanation could there be? Who else could have planned this but the author of forgiveness? I began to cry again (though this time it was tears of joy) and FINALLY let go of the hurt and anger I had been holding onto for so long. Who was I to stay angry at these people when my Father so easily forgave me time and time again? After I called the two people and told them that they had my forgiveness and I wished them the best, I felt more free than I had in a long time. That weight of hurt and anger was finally lifted off my shoulders by the One person who was strong enough to take it. I realized then that while this had happened so that I could finally let go, it also occurred for another reason. As I was basking in the peace I was in, I felt my Father whisper to me, “You know I did this for a different reason too right? I’m preparing you.” Now for what, I’m not sure, but I know that it’s something big. Being able to finally let go of what I was holding on is one of the greatest things I have ever experienced. I now have peace not only for just knowing my God but for knowing that he turns the most hurtful pieces of life into a beautiful orchestration.
Less than perfect
So, I got my very first car key today =) I can honestly say that I’ve never been so glad to have a key chain before. My grandparents decided to surprise me by buying me a car for my birthday, and boy did they deliver! While most people get to experience that “first car feeling” when they’re around 16, I didn’t get to until I was 20. But in a way, I’m thankful for that. Being older, I think, helps me appreciate the gift a lot more. Having to spend four years with no personal means of transportation while watching all your friends drive around can really do a number on your self-esteem. Even though I have the most supportive friends that anyone would ask for that never minded to drive me somewhere, I was still extremely self-conscious when someone would ask me “So what kind of car do you have?” Thinking about how much I craved my own car and how excited I am now that I finally have one makes me think of my relationship with Christ. If I was in that much need for a car (something that will break eventually) how much more do I need my Savior? Now while I’ll be the first person to tell you that there are many material things that I need, none of that compares to how much I need my Lord. He’s the one who gave me a new life and a new hope, something that means so much more than a new car. I know I’m not perfect in this; I get overwhelmed with how much I have to pay for books or whether or not my efforts are good enough in the interactions with the people around me. I still get self-conscious, but I’ve slowly learned that if those around me are the friends that I know they are then they’ll care about just because I’m me. And more importantly, I know that my heavenly Father loves me how I am, imperfections and all.
Hey everyone! Over the past few weeks, God has really grabbed hold of my heart and has started to shake things up big time! For those of you who know me well enough, you know that while I’m not exactly shy, I can be apprehensive to start something new. However, God has really encouraged me that I need to step out of my comfort zone and do something that I’ve never done before. I never imagined that I would be one of those people who would start blogging and would actually want others to read it, but here I am typing away and hoping that whatever it is I write will encourage or affect someone. I’m making some huge changes in my life and I appreciate all the prayers and encouragement that I’ve received from those around me. One of my most recent interactions with a very good friend of mine actually inspired me with the title: Climbing the Wall. She said that when we’re running the race for Christ, the enemy puts up walls in our path to try and discourage us, and that God allows them to see how faithful we will be to Him in times of trouble. This summer has been a hard one for me and I know that the only way I will overcome it is to put everything I have completely in God’s hands. Just know that this is a HUGE step for me: putting myself out in the open, knowing that I’ll possibly be under scrutiny, and trusting that God wouldn’t have led me to do this if He didn’t have a purpose. I’m so excited to see where the Lord leads me in this new journey! I’ll be posting again soon! God Bless!
P.S. If anyone needs prayer or encouragement feel free to let me know!